CHILD ABUSE – WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW

CHILD ABUSE – WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW

 

Did you know ….

  • Worldwide, 40 MILLION children are abused every year.
  • A child is abused every 36 seconds.
  • 7 Children die every day as a result of abuse.

Did you know that of these children …

  • 30% will later become the abusers in their adult years.
  • 80% will meet the criteria for at least 1 psychological disorder by the age of 21.
  • They are 59% more likely to be arrested as a juvenile, 28% more likely to be arrested as an adult, and 30% more likely to commit violent crimes.
  • 45% will become alcoholics.

Did you know that despite these facts …

  • 90% of child abuse goes unreported.

1Changing the laws and sentencing requirements for cases of child abuse is going to be a long, and laborious challenge, and a costly process, but how can we deny the good this will do.  Can you honestly look into the eyes of a child who has been tortured and abused and tell them that nothing can be done, simply because changing the way our judicial process currently works would be too much work and cost too much money?  Is the innocence of a child’s soul not too high enough of a price to pay to require change?  When are we going to start doing what is best for our children, when will protect our children, and when will we hold monsters accountable for the torment they have put an innocent child through?  There should be no price too high to pay for the safety of our children.  Every day that we wake up, we all make our efforts to improve this world we live in, to make life easier for ourselves and our families, to seek out true happiness and allow our passions to drive our souls, and if we can do all of these things, we can certainly put more effort and hope into changing the way our world protects our children, the way it protects our future.  The legacy we leave behind does not have to be one of shame, shame for standing by and allowing things to continue the way they are, the shame of not having a good answer for our children as to why we did not put our focus on making the world a better and safer place for them.  It’s not too late to leave a legacy that we can be proud of, one in which we have all joined together in the effort to ensure that those who harm children, in any way, are forced to face justice, a fair and swift justice.  It’s time to make our voices heard, to speak for all of the innocent souls that have been ripped from this world at the hands of abusers, it’s time to unite and demand change.  Demand change simply because our children deserve it.  Is that not enough of a reason for anyone?

We have a lot of work ahead of us yes, however there are things that have changed, creating a positive step forward to holding predators responsible and putting the information out there for parents to understand how we can further help to protect our children.

11Zero tolerance is a topic that is becoming more discussed these days.  The idea behind zero tolerance laws is to create mandatory sentences for individuals found guilty of child abuse with NO plea bargaining and NO chance of parole.  Zero tolerance would forbid persons in a position of authority from exercising discretion or changing punishments to fit circumstances subjectively, requiring them instead to impose pre-determined punishments regardless of individual culpability, extenuating circumstances or past history.

Another positive change that has been implemented is Mandated Reporting.  The laws protecting children now require certain professionals to report any suspected or known child abuse, known as mandatory reporters. Mandatory reporters include social workers, teachers, doctors and all other medical professionals, psychiatrists and all mental health professionals, child care providers, medical examiners and coroners, and law enforcement officials to name a few.  Having mandatory reports greatly increases the chance of catching child abuse cases and intervening to protect children before any further harm can come to them.  It is critical that those who work with children know what the signs of child abuse are and are aware of the appropriate steps to take in reporting child abuse.  By imposing laws which require mandatory reporting, society is creating a community of people who are aware of the abuse children face and are confronting the matter head on, rather than turning a blind eye.  These laws are encouraging awareness and empowering people to take action and protect our children.  If a mandatory reporter fails to report child abuse, they can face felony charges, resulting in a sentence of 30 days to 5 years in prison and fines ranging from $300 to $10,000.

Did you know …

  • Serial child sex offenders will commit an average of 281 acts with 150 victims over the course of their life.
  • 90% of child rapes are committed by someone the child knows.

15Society’s attitude to child sexual abuse is composed of a lot of denial.  These crimes are horrific, they are hard to read about, hard to think about, and hard to know that they are happening every day.  This is not a topic that is welcomed in the family home, not something that parents want to talk to their children about.  Reading the stories, facts and statistics breaks your heart, and can leave you feeling helpless, which in turn to make it easier to block out the reality of the situation, rather than face it head on.  I know that personally, there have been numerous times that I have reported on a story regarding child sexual abuse and physical abuse, where at the end all I could do was cry.  I cry for what has happened to these children, and then I cry knowing that this is happening in the world I am raising my sons in.  However, when I am done crying, I face two options.  I can close the book, turn in my pen and stop covering such tragic cases, just simply walk away and never have to hear about a 6 month old baby girl being raped by her father every day, since the day she was born, until her little body could take no more abuse and gave out.  I would never come across a story of an 18 month old boy that was raped repeatedly by his mother’s boyfriend, while she watched.  I would never know about the baby girl that was beat into a coma by her mother because she was fussing.

5It would be so much easier to turn away, to not be aware of the horror that is in this world.  Or I can choose to grieve for these children, to allow myself to process that this is reality, that no matter how hard I try to pretend these terrible things don’t happen, I will always know that these monsters are out there.  So once I have grieved and processed my emotions, I ask myself what can I do to take steps to ensure that things like this stop happening, and that the terror these children have suffered will not simply slide by without prompting a change.  I write the articles and cover the stories, in an attempt to bring awareness of the reality we live in to those that also will no longer accept this as something that just happens.  I can raise awareness regarding our current laws, and changes that can be made to these laws to start taking steps to ensuring that these vicious animals that prey on our children will no longer go unnoticed.  I can unite together with others who share my desire to make this world safer for our children, and I can take a stand, demanding that things change, that the way we deal with these animals change.  I can stand with others to demand justice, TRUE JUSTICE, for the children that have fallen victim to these predators.  I am not alone in my desire to see things change, to see the way we deal with such evilness evolve, for beside me stands family, friends, neighbors, and strangers, that all share the same love for our children and the same sense of responsibility to keep them safe.  Many voices coming together, united in an effort to no longer allow our children to be victims, cannot be ignored.  We will not go unheard. Time and time again throughout the history of mankind, an idea has evolved and spun into a movement that has changed the world we live in for the better.  Strangers and friends and family alike united to fight for what was right, and the results are undeniable.  Slavery, segregation, religious freedom, marriage equality for all, all of these controversial movements found a voice, and the voice rose until the world could no longer ignore the demands for a better society.  Thanks to these voices, I have been given the privileged opportunity to raise my sons in a world that accepts each other’s differences, that welcomes change, and that has empowered people everywhere to stand up for what they believe in, for what is right.  As a mother I intend to acknowledge this opportunity and continue the movement to make this world a better and safer place for all the future generations to come.  And as a mother, and a member of society, I am asking you all to join me, to stand with me, to no longer turn our heads to the atrocities that are imposed upon some of our children.

19I must also take the opportunity to mention the complete polar opposite of society’s denial of crimes against children, and that would be hyper hysteria which can and often does occur when misinformation is released to the public.  Cases of child abuse often take on a life of their own, and the more the story is passed around, written about, commented on, the more details are exaggerated, left out, and added in.  Here at Lighting Their Way Home we are diligent about putting the correct information out there.  Misinformation is just as harmful as no information.  Any crime committed against a child is horrific, and needs no exaggeration to make it important that justice is served.  We ask people to join the cause of making the world a better and safer place for our children, and a vital part of fighting for that cause is ensuring that we have the right information and with the right information, we are addressing the right issues.  Changing the way society deals with child predators is of utmost importance, and that means that we need to be sure that the information we have is correct and in its entirety.  Let’s face it, being labelled a sex offender does not always mean that a person is a career criminal preying on innocent children.  When a 19 year old boy is charged with statutory rape with his 16 year old girlfriend, it is a far cry from a grown man raping a toddler.  When we demand justice for child victims, we need to ensure that we are working with the entire story, both sides.  More often than not, both sides are tragic and horrifying, but there are a few that happen which are not as they seem.  Fortunately, we as a society are intelligent enough to know the difference, and to address each individual case fairly and properly.

So I ask you this, have enough children been hurt that the time has come to demand change?  Are you ready to stand up for the children, the children that have never had anyone stand up for them before?  Can you look at your children, your grandchildren, all of the little souls that look for your guidance in their life, and still turn your head to the children that are not fortunate enough to have someone protecting them in this world?  Change is coming, be a part of that change, be proud to have stood up for the children all around our world, be the hero for these children as you already are for the children in your life.

18One of the most important things we can do to keep our children safe, is to ensure that we continue to have age appropriate discussions with them regarding abuse, especially sexual abuse.  Sexual abuse is harder to see.  Predators often will not leave bruises or broken bones after sexually abusing a child.  The abuse is just as much emotional and mental is it is sexual.  Most children are too young to talk, or have been threatened and are fearful to talk.  They are afraid for the safety of themselves and their family, they have been threatened and intimidated, and they often worry what others will think of them if they do come forward to discuss the abuse.  These children are made to feel guilty, shameful and helpless.  In 90% of cases of sexual abuse, the child knows the predator, which only magnifies the fear of coming forward to report the abuse.  Predators will look for the children who display a lower self-esteem and appear submissive.  It is so vitally important as well to teach our children that these ‘bad’ people, look just the same as anyone else.  They do not look like monsters and are undistinguishable when placed in a crowd.  They are neighbors, family members, friends, people with whom the child has always been encouraged to trust.  We need to teach our children that if anyone, regardless of how they know them, ever touches them inappropriately, that person no longer deserves their trust and their respect.  We need to explain to our children that no matter what, we will always love them, believe them, and do our best to protect them.  We need to make them feel confident in telling us when they are uncomfortable with someone and that they will be listened too.  We need to encourage our children to know that by speaking up about abuse, they will be doing the right thing, no matter what anyone else tells them.  My sons know that if they come to me with a problem, whether it be bullying, a fight with a friend, or worse, that I will give them 100% of my attention, and that they can trust that I will handle the situation with them.  From the moment my sons were born, my ex-husband and I have encouraged them to speak their mind, respectively of course, but to not ever be afraid to tell us things.  If they decided they weren’t comfortable sitting on Great Grandpa’s lap, then we assured them they would not be forced to, if they decided that today they didn’t want to hug their aunts or uncles, well then they did not have to, if they decided they didn`t want to give me or their Dad kisses that day, than they did not have to.  These may seem small and irrelevant actions, but what allowing our children to determine they were comfortable with when interacting physically with people, is what has given them the understanding and confidence to know that their body is theirs, and theirs alone.  It has shown them that they get to decide what happens when it comes to their own body.  They understood that they get to call the shots, and by encouraging them to do so, they are now confident little men that have an empowering sense of control over what happens to them.

3It is also exceptionally important that we teach our children to be aware of their emotions, to accept their emotions and understand what they mean.  As a person who has suffered from severe depression for most of their life, I always maintained that my emotions were mine, no could take them from me, and that they were never wrong.  Passing this onto my sons was beyond important to me.  I have encouraged my boys to know that when they talk to me, they can always tell me what they are feeling, even if they think I might be upset or hurt about it.  I have encouraged them, reassuring them that what is most important to me is that they tell me the truth about how they are feeling, no matter what.  I don’t tell them they can’t or shouldn’t feel a certain way, I encourage them to recognize what they are feeling and explore what that means to them as individuals, while also respecting others rights to have their own feelings.  My boys know that they won`t always feel the same way about things as those they care about most, but they do know how to appreciate their own and accept others feelings for exactly what they are.

I know how difficult discussing sexual abuse can be.  You question why you should be the one to introduce this horror to your babies.  You struggle with how to address it appropriately.  You attempt to find the thin line between arming your children with the ability to recognize and report sexual abuse, and with terrifying them about going out into the world.

16As a mother, I struggled with what to say to my boys, how to say it, and when to say it.  It is not a conversation to be taken lightly.  Parents need to make sure they are informed with the right information, and have an understanding of how to handle the honesty of the situation especially in relation to your childrens` age and level of understanding.  Make sure that you know what you need to say, and that you are ready to answer the many questions your child will ask you.  Be prepared to discuss their sexuality and allow them to be comfortable with knowing their sexuality is not something that is taboo.  Yes, there are boundaries that need to be respected, but never make a child feel ashamed for who they are sexually.  By teaching our children that they have nothing to be ashamed about, we discourage predators from abusing our children, because these predators recognize that children who understand and are comfortable with their sexuality will be the ones more likely to report and stop sexual abuse.  The first step I took with my sons, was to define the difference between a secret and a surprise.  My ex-husband and I encouraged our children to understand that they should never keep a secret from myself or their father.  We talked to them about how if anyone asked them to keep a secret, that they should tell us right away, because no one that loved them and protected them would EVER ask them to keep a secret.  My oldest son, who was 4 at the time looked at me confused, and asked why we didn’t tell him what his birthday gifts were then, because that was keeping a secret … I was so delighted that he was able to relate what we were talking to him about in real life situations.  This is when we explained that there is a difference between a secret and a surprise.  A secret was not a good thing to keep, but a surprise such as a gift, a party or a card etc. were all good surprises to keep.  We were able to explain the difference between keeping secrets and keeping surprises, and by defining the difference between the two, we gave our sons the ability to determine when something wasn’t quite right.  We empowered them to stand up for themselves and come to us when they felt that something was wrong, when someone asked them to do something we had told them was not OK.  So they spoiled a few Christmas gift surprises when my Mom forgot to use the word surprise vs secret, but again, that only encouraged me that how I chose to approach this difficult situation with my children, was done in a way that they could relate to and put into practice.

8It is also important for parents to understand that as their children grow older, they will need to maintain an open forum of discussion regarding sexual abuse that will change and mature as our children grow older.  It is an ongoing conversation that continues well into adulthood, and by encouraging our children to freely discuss their physical and sexual boundaries, we will also in turn be giving our children the knowledge of how to discuss these matters with their own children when they are born.  As hard as it may seem, recognizing the reality of the decisions our children will face as they grow older is our first and only line of defense in giving them the confidence to maintain control of their bodies.  When I entered into junior high, I was forced to sit down and have the dreaded sex talk with my Mom.  I was so embarrassed to hear my mother use the words penis and vagina …. hell, I still am!  I was prepared for the diagrams of the reproductive anatomy of boys and girls, and oh was I surprised.  My Mom had already explained to me where babies come from years before, and this conversation turned out to be one that encouraged openness and understanding about embracing my own sexuality.  Imagine my surprise when my Mom tells me, “I know you won`t wait for marriage to have sex, so instead promise yourself that it will be with someone special, something that you will not later regret.”  She wrapped up the conversation with the simple statement, “if you do want to have sex, please come to me, we will put you on birth control, and never tell your Dad”, LOL.  As an adult I am so very grateful for the way my Mom always approached these sensitive matters with complete honesty and reality.  Because of how she talked to my sisters and I, we were proud of who we are, and we were empowered to say no and understand that that doesn`t make us a prude (or whatever kids call it these days), but instead makes us confident and allows us to stand up for ourselves.  I know this conversation came years and years after our initial sex talk, and after the `stranger danger` classes we attended in the first few grades of elementary school, but it remains a fundamental example of the honesty I was determined to, and now am, raising my children with.  I owe that to my Mom, for always being honest, for answering the embarrassing questions, and making it feel less embarrassing to ask those questions as time went by.  She has given my sisters and I the gift of believing in ourselves, and never being ashamed of being honest about our sexuality or if we feel someone is being inappropriate.  This is a gift I am handing down to my sons, and a gift I hope they will hand down to their sons.

10Folks, these conversations with your children will be hard, embarrassing and you will fight the urge to avoid the topic, but as you begin discussing these things with your children, you will see how in time it gets easier, and how proud you will become of the confidence your child his in the ability to maintain their bodies as their own, and more importantly, their ability to say no if someone is inappropriate and the confidence they will have to come to you and openly and honestly discuss any behaviour which makes them uncomfortable.  You will be arming your children with the right tools to help them live in this world, knowing that they have the right to be safe and secure.  You will be giving them a gift that will stand the test of time, and by doing so, will encourage future generations to continue the open forum of discussion regarding sexual abuse.

Did you know …

  • 41 – 71% of all exhibitionist child sex offenders will reoffend
  • 13 – 40% of all child molesters preferring boys will reoffend.
  • 10 – 29% of all child molesters preferring girls will reoffend.
  • 7 – 35% of all child rapists will reoffend.
  • 4 – 10% of all child incest rapists will reoffend.

4There are just simply, certain things that people do where they will never deserve a second chance.  When these people commit horrible offenses against children, they become animals, monsters of mother nature.  If a dog mauls a young child, do we put it in its kennel for a few hours then let it run free with our children again??  No, we put that animal down, for once we see that it is capable of hurting our children, we will not take a chance that it will happen again.  So why, why?, are we giving these molesters, these rapists, these abusers, these animals, a second chance at destroying our children’s innocence and forever altering their lives?  A dog will at times act out of instinct and attack, they don’t premeditate their attacks, and they certainly don’t attack for the pleasure of hurting someone, waiting for the right moment to jump on a child, snarling with teeth bared.  They do not befriend a child’s family, feigning kindness and concern, all the while fantasizing about raping and defiling these children.  The monsters that do, are the worst of all animals, masquerading as human beings.  They are evil and ugly, they plan out their attacks on children, taking the one thing from these innocent souls that we as parents fight to maintain.  An animal that can rape and terrorize a child needs to be put down, they don’t need a second chance while we stand back and wait for them to rape and torture another child.  When will we begin to protect our children from these fiends?  When will we begin to treat these monsters as the animals they have shown themselves to be?  When have enough children been abused and raped for society to stand up and demand change, to demand justice for our children that have fallen prey to these animals?  I don’t know about anyone else, but I am ready to stand up and demand that change, I am ready to require our judicial system keep these animals away from my children, and I am ready to speak loudly and clearly for all to hear, the time for tolerance for those who commit these atrocious crimes against our children has come to an end.

All of the children in the cases below had a chance at growing up in a safe, loving environment.  They all had a chance to keep their innocence intact. They had all of these opportunities, until we let men such as Larry Don McQuay, Bill Malcom and Desmond George Buckby continue to walk the streets after having been convicted of a sex crime against children.

Larry Don McQuay

Larry Don McQuay

Larry Don McQuay was released from prison after serving 6 years of an 8 year sentence for raping a 6 year old boy.  McQuay was taken to a halfway house to prepare for his re-entry into society, where he asked to be castrated to lessen his sexual drive.  Victims’ rights groups began fund-raising to meet the request, however they were unable to find a doctor to perform the unusual surgery.  It was then that he told the police that he had got away with abusing over 240 children before getting caught for the one little boy, he further went on to state that if released he WILL do it again.  He stated, “With all that I have coldheartedly learned while in prison, there is no way that I will ever be caught again.  I am doomed to eventually rape, then murder my poor little victims to keep them from telling on me …. Will your children be my next victims?”  If a convicted child rapist can say these things so callously and society continues to refuse to make changes in how monsters such as these are dealt with, then this world is certainly ill-fated, and not a world that I am proud to raise my children in.  WHY, WHY, are we showing this evil bastard ANY mercy?????  Are we really this naïve and stupid, really this ignorant to believe that animals like this can be changed and rehabilitated so they will never rape and murder a child again?  When are we going to insist that these people be eradicated before they do any more damage?  I understand that many believe two wrongs don’t make a right, and there are people that will fight until their final breath to proclaim that capital punishment is uncivilized and unnecessary.  To these people I ask this, does one wrong, and one tolerance for a wrong making a predator better trained in how not to get caught while raping and murdering your children, make the situation better??  When it is your children found face down in a ditch, sodomized and tortured, will you still defend the monster that stole your child’s innocence’s right to live?  Will two wrongs still not make a right for you then?  Or will you be the first person to stand up and demand that this pedophile face the exact punishment and torture that they inflicted on your child?  Will you fight for this monster’s right to live and his right then to potentially do the same thing to another child?  Or will you fight for your child, demanding justice and insisting that our judicial system take measures to ensure that this can never happen again?  The money we waste on continuing to incarcerate criminals with life sentences is shocking, and could be put to better use helping to feed our children living in poverty, to provide proper health care for our children that cannot currently obtain such care, to provide schools with the supplies needed to properly educate our children.

9I know I am going to hear all about how wrong my opinion is, but please just stop for one moment, picture your innocent child that you love more than anything in this world, and imagine how you would feel if a child sex offender was released and your child became his next victim.  Which side of the fence would you land on then?  And which side of the fence would you land on if it was your niece, or nephew, or grandchild, or a classmate of your child?  When you come up with your answer, I only hope that it can be an answer you would stand by for any and all children equally, because each child has a mother, a father, a sibling, an aunt, an uncle, grandparents, people that love them, people that want to protect them just as much as you want to protect your child.  That is a bond that we can all share, our desire to protect and love our children, and if we can all come together in the fight to make this world a safer place for our children, I have no doubt that we will see great success.  I know there is the debate about when the predator is a family member or friend of the victims, and some say this can make the decision to use capital punishment that much more complicated, however if you rape and torture my child, I don’t give a damn who you are.  If the predator turned out to be a family member of mine, I can assure you that the moment they put their hands on my child they became nothing but an atrocious monster that I would hook the needle up to myself if given the chance.  There is also the opinion out there that child sexual offenders can possibly be ‘treated’ and can live safely in society.  My take on that is simple, the moment they raped a child, is the moment I stopped caring what the hell they ‘might’ be able to do.  They need to be brought to justice for RAPING A CHILD.  FORGET TREATMENT (not that I believe these deplorable people can be treated) – THEY RAPED A CHILD.  Why are we planning on releasing them far before we even plan to bring justice for the child that was terrorized, defiled and left with a shattered innocence that will forever change the person that child becomes????  Pedophiles spend their entire life lying and fooling people into believing they are good people that are capable of kindness and remorse, that is how they get close to children.  So why are some people so quick to believe that they are model prisoners hoping to obtain parole to live a full and contributing life … can’t they see that this is exactly how they got away with molesting children in the first place?  How the HELL can anyone believe the sudden change in personality that these monsters claim to have??  They have spent their entire life hunting innocent children, and we as a society want to suggest that jail (OF ALL THE HEALING PLACES!) changes the very make up of these monsters … who are we kidding?

Bill Malcolm

Bill Malcolm

Bill Malcolm was convicted of raping a 3 year old girl in 1981.  When he was released in 1984, he returned and raped the same little girl who was then 6 years old, telling authorities that he wanted revenge on the little girl for identifying him.  He was charged again in 1994 with rape and assault on 4 children who he allegedly tied to a bed and forced to perform sex acts.  A judge later made a favorable ruling in Malcolm’s case, and he was once again set free.  By this time British citizens were angry and ready to take justice in their own hands when their law enforcement would not.  On February 18, 2000, after Malcolm had reached a known victim total of 6 children, two men showed up on Malcolm’s door step and shot him in the head.  The general consensus was that Malcolm got what he deserved, and these two men deserved a medal.  Can’t say I disagree.  Malcolm was released repeatedly and every time he was released, he molested and raped more and more children.  This man was clearly a loathsome pedophile with no remorse, and the legal system handed him our children on a silver platter to rape.

13Desmond George Buckby served 10 years in prison after being convicted on charges for sex offences against children.  Upon his release in April of 2007, Buckby was placed on a 10 year supervision order under the Dangerous Prisoners Sexual Offenders Act of 2003, (DPSOA) which included 40 conditions in which he was expected to follow.  Some of the conditions included electronic monitoring, a curfew, seeking mental health treatment, limiting his presence near children and barring him from living in a caravan park or any other short-term accommodation.  According to court documents, a number of psychiatrists, psychologists and medical professionals stated Buckby would be a “serious danger to the community” if released, especially if released without having a supervision order placed on him.  An exact statement made in court, “There has been a pattern of offending behavior on the part of the prisoner which can be seen in his criminal history which shows repeated sexual offending against children.  There is … a real risk, therefore that he will commit another serious sexual offence if released and the members of the community, particularly children, need to be protected from that risk.”  One doctor actually expressed his concern by stating he believed Buckby should remain in prison until he complied with a Sexual Offenders Treatment Program.

Buckby’s offences date back to more than a decade worth of abusing children.  He was arrested in 1995 for child sodomy, his victim was a 10 year old girl, and other offences that occurred in 1993.  In December of 1990, Buckby was convicted of indecent dealing with a child under 12 and was sentenced to one year in prison.  Now to make it even more heinous and disturbing, court documents noted that two offences were committed while Buckby was on BAIL.

14In December of 2007, Buckby was found in his home with his neighbors 5 children, FIVE, watching a movie, which was clearly in direct violation of the conditions of his release.  He was arrested and placed back in prison.  A judge then stated in court documents that “no practical supervision order could afford adequate protection to the community against the risk Buckby represents.”  Another judge ordered the Buckby remained detained in prison because of his “persistence for molesting young girls” and the danger he imposes to the community.  As the years have passed, various judges have maintained the orders keeping Buckby in prison due to his failure to engage in rehabilitation and his exceptionally high risk of reoffending.  Court documents stated “psychiatric evidence unequivocally indicates that Buckby presents as a serious danger to the community”.  To date, Buckby remains incarcerated and it would seem that the judges in our judicial system have their eyes completely open to the danger this monster imposes on our children.  While Buckby is finally being seen for what he truly is, nothing will ever make up for the crimes he repeatedly committed against our children.  Especially so, the crimes he committed while out on bail after being charged with raping young girls.  Somewhere there was a communication break down and this man was set free only to rape and molest children again and again.  How can we ever find justice for these little girls when we are the ones that turned our heads to the danger Buckby presented.  We need to change the way child sex offenders are processed in our judicial system.  These animals should not have the opportunity to post bail, only to add to their victim count.  Our laws need to continue to evolve to better protect our children as we become more informed and knowledgeable about what we can and need to do when dealing with these animals that prey on our children.  It is our job, society’s job, to continue to make progress in moving our civilization forward, eliminating those that threaten our most vulnerable assets, our children.  We need to set the example which our children can follow as they too become young adults.  We need them to understand that as children they were protected and loved, and society fought to maintain the absolute highest level of safety that we could for our babies.  A child growing up in a society that no longer accepts these monsters terrorizing our most innocent members, will then to become an advocate, passionate about protecting our children and their rights.  We lead by example, and it is our duty to set an example which our children will be proud to become.  Enough is enough now.  We know better and we have the tools to demand better for our children.  There are no excuses anymore, it is time we take action, time we ensure that animals like Buckby will never be a threat to ANY child ANYWHERE ever again.

7We need to begin protecting our children from the dangers threatening them in this world.  We need to take the knowledge we have and the common sense instilled in us to begin to make a change to help protect our children further.  Steps are already being taken and with each step we are coming closer to reaching our goal.  The two following laws were passed in direct relation to the two children who were raped and murdered at the hands of convicted child sex offenders.  The loss of Megan and Christopher will forever be a tragic moment in time, however with their deaths, everyday citizens, such as yourself and I, have ensured new laws were created, allowing parents the opportunity to be aware of the threat of a child sex offender moving into their neighborhood.

~

Megan’s Law

Megan Kanka

Megan Kanka

Megan Kanka was only 7 years old when she was raped and murdered by convicted sex offender, Jesse Timmendequas, who had two previous convictions for sexually abusing two young girls, one assault was committed on a 5 year old girl.  He was given a suspended sentence providing he attend counseling, which he failed to do, and was placed in prison for 9 months.  Once released he again sexually assaulted a little girl, this one being 7 years old.  He pled guilty and was imprisoned at the ADTC for 6 years.  While imprisoned, Timmendequas reportedly participated little in the treatment program offered and was described as a “whiner” that just slept a lot.  One therapist expressed her concern that she believed he would eventually commit another sex crime.  Timmendequas lived in a house across the street from Megan’s house, with four other sex offenders.  Megan was raped and murdered after her parents left her at home alone to go out for dinner.  The Kankas have not yet been charged with negligence for leaving the young girl home alone.  Many people, along with officials have stated that Megan’s murder could have been prevented had the community been notified of the sex offenders residing in the area, and if her parents had been responsible enough to hire a sitter, rather than leaving a little girl home alone.

Jesse Timmendequas

Jesse Timmendequas

Timmendequas lured Megan into his house by offering to show her a puppy.  Once inside, Timmendequas raped Megan, slammed her onto a dresser, suffocated and strangled her with a belt.  He then moved her body to his truck, assaulting her a further time before placing Megan’s body in a wooden toy chest and dumping it in nearby Mercer County Park.  The next day he confessed to law enforcement and led police to Megan’s body.

Authorities found evidence including bloodstains, hair and fiber samples, along with a bite mark matching Megan’s teeth on Timmendequas’ hand.  He was found guilty of kidnapping, four counts of aggravated sexual assault, and two counts of felony murder.  Timmendequas was sentenced to death and the sentence was upheld on appeal, however, on December 17, 2007, New Jersey Legislature abolished the state’s death penalty, commuting Timmendequas’ sentence to life in prison without the possibility of parole.

One month after Megan’s murder, Megan’s Law was passed in New Jersey, and the remaining states quickly followed in suit. Megan’s Law is a law requiring law enforcement authorities in the United States to make information available to the public regarding registered sex offenders.  Information regarding the sex offender is disseminated including the offender’s name, picture, address, incarceration date, and nature of the crimes committed.  This information can often be found on free public websites, published in newspapers or distributed in pamphlets among various other means.  Megan’s Law provides two major information services to the public, sex offender registration and community notification

The law requires those convicted of sex crimes against children to notify local law enforcement of any change of address or employment after released from prison.  Sex offenders are then added into a database, allowing the opportunity for those in the community to be notified if a sex offender is moving into their neighborhood.  Sex offenders are categorized by four different levels of severity based on the nature of their crimes.  Failure to register or update information results in a felony charge.   Sex offenders who are convicted of a second sexual assault will be sentenced to life in prison without a chance for parole.

Megan was ripped from this world long before her time should have come.  The horrors she experienced are tragic, and sadly were preventable.  Along with the laws inspired by her death, in an attempt to make this world a safer place for all children, parents are reminded that leaving a 7 year old home alone, is not ok.  Our children need us to protect them, which means using common sense when it comes to ensuring they are properly supervised for their age.  I have a 7 year old, and I can’t imagine ever leaving him home alone, hell I can’t even imagine my 9 year old home alone.  I also know that had the community been aware of Timmendequas’ history, they would have taken further steps to ensure their children were safe.  Furthermore, I know that had Timmendequas been held accountable for the previous two sexual assaults on little girls, we should have thrown the key away.  It hurts my heart to know that there were people out there that were very aware of the threat this monster posed to young girls, and they not only gave him a second chance, but a third chance, the chance which ended the life of a beautiful little girl.

Christopher’s Law

Christopher Stephenson

Christopher Stephenson

In Canada, Christopher’s Law is the equivalent to Megan’s Law.  The law was passed after the murder and sexual abuse of 11 year old Christopher Stephenson.  Christopher was abducted at a shopping mall, sexually abused and then murdered by convicted child sex offender, who was out of prison on federal statutory release, Joseph Fredericks.  Christopher’s parents, Jim and Anna Stephenson, have expressed that they at first found it hard to attach their son’s name to a sex offender registry, but have since come to see it as a lasting legacy to Christopher.

Christopher’s Law was first passed in Ontario, becoming Canada’s first sex offender registry.  5 years later, the Canadian federal government created a national sex offender registry, including DNA and finger prints of registered sex offenders.  Before the national registry was put into effect, individual provinces had implemented other strategies to monitor and provide information to the public regarding sex offenders.  Alberta created a website posting pictures and details of sex offenders.  Manitoba followed suit and created their own website.  British Columbia put together a team of police officers to monitor offenders who had been released into the public.  For 20 days they kept a close watch on 12 high-risk sex offenders to see if they stayed away from children, playgrounds and schools as promised.  What they found just goes to further show how these offenders learn in jail how to not get caught.  One man used his girlfriend to lure a child to a hotel.  Two others were volunteering at a church-run daycare.  Out of the 12 offenders authorities were monitoring, 7 were re-arrested on a number of charges not long after being released from prison.

Christopher’s death was horrific, heart wrenching, and devastating.  To have a child taken so young at the hands of a monster is never going to be something that can implement a justice equal to the loss.  I wish Christopher had not had to suffer, and I wish his family’s pain could be eased.  Try as hard as I might, I struggle to accept that this sort of thing can happen to our children.  I may struggle with the reality of the situation, but I can also say a part of me is grateful that Christopher is an angel watching out for many children now.  His legacy, created by his parents strength and determination to have something encouraging come from their son’s death, is a legacy of our commitment to take what happened to Christopher and began to implement laws and regulations that will save hundreds of children’s lives.  When I look at my 3 sons, I can’t help but think of Christopher, and think about how even in his death his soul lives on, and I am honored to have the comfort of knowing that he is smiling wherever he may be, watching over our children now.

12The bottom line is this.  We live in a world that is not always safe for children.  We live in a world that harbors monsters whom cognitively make the decision to hurt children, each and every day.  We also live in a world that understands the need to protect our children.  Our systems are not perfect, and yes, they do need a major overhaul to begin to reflect the seriousness of crimes against our children.  Luckily, we live in a world where if we join together, and demand that change come, demand that we stop allowing our children to be victims, we can achieve the change that is much needed.  From the basics of simply talking to our children and giving them the knowledge of how to stay safe, and should it happen, how to report abuse, to changing our laws which will require harsher sentences for those convicted of crimes against children, we are making progress, and continue to do so.  The more voices that are advocating for the safety of our children, the more others will stand up and take notice.  This fight will forever be an ongoing one as our knowledge increases.  There have already been many positive changes in the way we see child abuse offenders, all we need to do is maintain our momentum and ensure that we never stop demanding the best for our children.


18 Responses to “CHILD ABUSE – WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW”

  1. idiot people who can fucking do this you bastards

  2. This is an amazing blog, I like the person who is writing it and I think like them and feel strongly about all this stuff. They should be put down! Anyone goes near my kids Ill kill them myself, its worse than animal behaviour. I was abused when I was a child but the wankas let me live, many a time I wish they didn’t, the fucking struggle I’ve had to feel some self respect for myself is a continuous up hill journey.

    Please take a look at my survivors blog I’ve recently started and are you American? I’m curious …My blog; survivorsnottingham@gmail.com

    • Thank you for the kind words. I started this entire blog and organization hoping to raise awareness for all of these beautiful babies that have suffered so much. I also had hoped I could provide a forum for those who have been affected by abduction or abuse to come together and remind them that they are not alone, that there are good people out there who care.
      As a mother with three little boys, I have that deep seeded knowledge in the pit of my stomach that if anyone hurt one of my children – I would do things to them that make Charles Manson look like Mother Teresa. NO ONE hurts my babies. I remember one day when my Mom gently slapped my youngest son on the hand when he reached for something hot (it was more of a barely there pat) – and I LOST MY JUNK. On my Mom!! – The same woman that has always protected me with the fierceness I protect my sons with. Another time, I was dating someone and he was in the room while I was having a conversation with my middle son about what he wants to do with his life. He looked at me with that crooked smile and said “Mom – I am going to make a million dollars selling hot dogs!”. My foolish ex-bf laughed and said “Well maybe you can’t do that!”. I turned on him in an instant and almost growled at him saying “Don’t you ever tell my son he can’t do something.”, then turned to my sweet boy and told him “Baby, if there is anyone out there that can make a million dollars selling hot dogs, it is you! You can do and be anything you want.” I broke up with that guy that night.
      What I am getting at here is that for most parents, that instinct, the second nature of protecting your children is so deeply rooted that he react before you think to react. How anyone can hurt their child is beyond me, children are beautiful innocent little souls that are made of everything good in this world. They remind us to laugh, to smile, to cuddle, and to be passionate and curious, and how anyone can do any harm to them is baffling.
      I am sorry to hear about your abuse. It takes a lot of courage to step forward and speak out – thank you for sharing so openly. I took a quick look at your site (I plan to go through it more later 😉 ) and you are doing great work.
      As for where I am from – I am Canadian. I do most of my work with US cases though. Honestly – I don’t really see borders when I am working for a child who has been hurt or abducted. A child is a child, and I strongly believe that EVERY child deserves to have someone fighting for them, regardless of where they live.
      Thanks again for the compliments!

      • This is a gd thing I know some one who has lost there children for having a messy house and there’s people around the estate I live in and do this and use drugs don’t look after their own children and they still have them!! They should think before they barge in and destroy a perfectly good family and make the horrible ones suffer

  3. I cried after reading this and I have to applaud you on your strength to fight for these children everyday. The one thing with child abuse and sexual abuse against this innocent souls that makes me particularly angry is the people that stand by and watch this happen or suspect this is happening. Their reasons are so shallow that I wonder how they live with themselves everyday knowing or suspecting this was happening and simply turned a blind eye as they didn’t want to get anyone in trouble or what if they were wrong?
    If I suspected that someone was being abused or witnessed this abuse I would scream it from the roof tops and make people listen in order to stop this happening and potentially save the life of an innocent child. I see people asking what if I was wrong? I would rather have to suck it up and apologise than standing by and being proven right and didn’t lift a finger to help saves these children’s lives.
    I think that those who witness this or suspect and do nothing are just as guilty as the offenders in my opinion! We need to stop worrying about being wrong as 99.9% of the time if you suspect this then it is most likely happening. Also judges need to start getting tougher and use the full extent of the law to punish these sick twisted evil wasted space of human beings and start protecting the real victims the children. We may not be able to bring some of these angels back but we can fight to see that these monsters don’t hurt another child.

  4. This was so powerfully written. You and I, my dear, are two of the same great minds that could end a child having to suffer a second time at the hands of a vicious person. I want to help you and this whole thing. How do I help, where do I start? I have a big house, Big heart and a nursing degree. I’m ready to do whatever I can. My husband is freaking out that I’m on this mission but when I look into the eyes of my beautiful babies i know that I have to do something. Not only for them but for their generation.
    I can’t wait to hear from you! Good Bless you and prayers!

  5. I have never had anyone say all the things I have been feeling so exactly and to a “T”. I like that while you make a plea for change that our society so desperately needs you still take time to explain the great changes that have already been made. Thank you for all you do.

  6. My Story-Abuse was the story of my life and no one would listen until it was too late.My mother when I was born was 16 and her mother wouldn’t let her bring me home after a hidden pregnancy, because I was only half Black. My much older father took me from the United States to his family in Indonesia instead and they didn’t really except me,because I had a Black mother. As I got older I began to eventually visit with my mother, who married several years later to a White foreigner,and her husband was abusive bordering on downright PSYCHO. Something wasn’t right in that household and my father even asked my mother once,who was working as a high class Eskorrt, “Is this man your husband or your pimp?!” I was exposed to a lot of bad things from about age 7 1/2 when my mother gave birth to her fourth and final child and I spent my first extended period in her household. The first time I saw her husband and she told him who I was,he got pissed and berated her calling her a whore and me all kinds of racial slurs,then strangely he plopped down on the bed next to me and forced me(smashed against my closed mouth)to drink from a flask he had. It was strong alcohol. I started choking and he hit me on the back with a closed hand causing bruises,until I puked and then he picked me up by the arm and flung me into the master bathroom into a cold shower like a rag doll,finally wrapping me still soaking wet and freezing in a towel and throwing me on the bed in another room barely breathing.
    When I told my father how I got my injuries and was scared to visit again I was told that I MUST respect and visit my mother. I was 9 years old and cosleeping with my mother and younger half siblings when my drunk and high stepfather broke down the door(my mother had locked us in earlier in the evening when he began drinking)to the master bedroom and raped my mother before her children’s eyes while we lay on the SAME BED. I watched this nutjob throw his own little boy against the wall so hard that the kid was unconscious, because he dared defended our mother against his father’s abuse. I was locked in a bedroom for up to a full day by either my stepfather trying to prevent children crying,interfering, begging him not to hurt Mommy as well as my mother herself feebly attempting to shield her children from the violence. No matter how many times I tried to speak out I was never believed until…..the fateful night that my youngest sibling was MURDERED by her father. A baby in Kindergarten attacked and beaten unconscious, because she was a sickly child,woke up fussy and wanting my mother,who had already left for the evening. I was 12 years old by then, in the Kitchen,trying to warm her up some food and find her medicine, like my mother had instructed me to do,when all Hell broke loose. A towering former pro athlete against a frail little child. How do you think that went?
    He didn’t even try to get her help when she lying bruised and unresponsive on the floor! My 9 year old brother did that,hiding in a closet to dial 911! My stepfather was arrested as soon as the police arrived with the paramedics, the 5 year old was taken to the local hospital then immediately airlifted to a children’s hospital in the state’s largest city where she died the next day after life support was removed of blunt force trauma to the head,chest,and abdomen. My stepfather’s charges were upgraded to 1st Degree Murder that very same evening. He would serve 15 years in prison after pleading No Contest and after his release earlier this year was reported immediately to his native country. My mother was arrested 3 days later,on the day of the baby’s funeral ironically for Perjury and Felony Child Endangerment and would serve almost 4 years in prison. After the child died,everyone asked me why I didn’t speak up and say things were so bad in my mother’s household. They refused to admit that I DID speak up REPEATEDLY for 5 years PRIOR ever since initially meeting my mother’s husband,only to be threatened and told that “What goes on behind closed doors stays in the house!”. People have no idea how it makes me feel even as a grown ass man of 28 to have been in that damned dysfunctional household the night that that child died! I don’t want notoriety or sympathy or publicity for telling my story. I just wanted to get it off my chest. For someone to know my story without knowing me,so cannot criticize and call me a liar. As a husband and a father I could NEVER even imagine treating my wife and children as my stepfather did my mother and younger siblings, but no one understands when I say that my stepfather was a role model of what NOT to do in those roles. I have broken the cycle, but scrutiny continues.

  7. I worked as a 911 dispatcher for a number of years and a lot of the stories folks would tell when they called to report a child not breathing were so obviously made up on the fly that I wanted to reach through the phone and slap the person! For example

    Caller sounding drunk as a skunk and a woman screaming in the background:Uh…my girlfriend’s baby hit her head and ain’t moving.

    Me: How old is the child?How did that happen? How long has it been since the baby fell?

    Caller: Uh….she’s 2 I think….my girlfriend put her in the baby bed in our room around 9. She must have been going downstairs to get herself something to drink. I found her at the bottom of the stairs a few minutes ago.

    Me:If the baby was in the bed then how did she get out and make it to the stairs without being noticed?

    Caller:Uh…. I don’t know. Just get somebody over here cuz she’s having a damn seizure! She was going down the stairs backwards on all fours like little kids do and she fell!

    Me:So you were present when the baby fell?

    Caller: No! I was in the f***ing bed!

    Me: How do you know the way she was coming down the stairs if you weren’t there?

    Caller: F**k that! Just send somebody!

    Needless to say I sent the cops and a social services representative along with the ambulance. By the time I resigned that was standard procedure on all cases involving children.

    • The Worst Case I Have Seen To Date- I work in a support position at the county’s only hospital,which means I see a lot of the worse this neck of the woods has to offer since indigents and lowlifes can’t be turned away,but I have learned to block it out,except when a child is involved.
      Recently I was making my rounds to collect and replace crash carts when I heard loud crying and hysterics from behind a curtain in the room I was in. An exasperated nurse saw me an asked for help. On the bed was a little girl about 5 or 6 barefoot, banged up,wearing a pair of underpants so dingy they looked greyyish brown rather than white,looking like she had been bathed in weeks. Her blonde hair was so greasy,stringy,and tangled that it looked almost black. Her mama wasn’t anywhere to be found and the nurse hoped I would be able to calm her down long enough to be cleaned up,so they could see where she was hurt at. I tried to pick her up,but she screamed louder and I thought she was scared of me because I’m a Black woman,then the nurse again tried to touch her and she screamed again, so we realized that she was just scared in general. As someone with five children and three grandchildren I knew that just holding her down would do more harm than good, so I smiled,told her how pretty she was,asked her how old she was,and when she paused from screaming said “We just want to clean you up with a little water to see where you’re hurt. Mama will be here soon, but until then Nurse Beth and Mrs. Rochelle are going to take real good care of you. Okay sweetie?” At first she started sobbing again then suddenly raised her arms to me to be picked up. That poor baby was shaking like a leaf in my arms! After the nurse got her cleaned up she didn’t want to leave my arms,so I ended up staying with her until the end of my shift (my boss understood &didn’t mind). I went with her to X-ray where it was revealed that not only was her shoulder dislocated not to mention the arm covered in grab marks but her collar bone and several fingers were fractured. Somebody DEFINITELY had some explaining to do! Together me and the nurse gave her a real nice hot bath,having to change the water 3 times to her completely clean including her matted hair. During this there was also unfortunately signs of trauma to her private area suggesting molestation. I went across the street to Arby’s and got her something to eat and she ate her two sandwiches, fries,and pop in less than 5 minutes like a damn concentration camp prisoner that hadn’t been fed in months! I then went to the hospital snack bar and got her a cup of soup which she also devoured. By then me and the nurse had tears in our eyes,wondering exactly what all she had been put through and why her mama still hadn”t showed up. Finally we got her settled in bed with a little something in her IV to ease her pain and help her sleep. As I was clocking out to leave I noticed a detective from the local police department and as I walked pass was able to hear that the little girls mama and the mama’s man had been arrested in a drug raid and were now looking at additional charges of Felony Child Abuse and Battery. I wasn’t surprised in the least. Drug abuse is epidemic here in our little rural state and it wrecks families on a daily basis. Another mother had chosen drugs and her man over her own child.

  8. I berly can conteing my tears.from falling.seing they’d kids .may is test.like I’m telling wath they going .tru have to be a bay.to keep the sex abuser from getting at tomorrow.thes is how U call them.you now is some sex abuser here. Were we live now.and I’m traing to some one musing to me. Cass my sons now they 18 plus. But thes sex abuser .still hanging theme .today I don’t know how to stop them. And . I sofer adry day. With theys .is like I can fill wath theys kids.teens youth going tru .it hert. Lord it herts .pleace call me if I can be .a help 813-504-2475. thanks

  9. The pain and trauma don’t end when the abuse stops. Worse than the abuse itself,are the lasting psychological scars and life long sense of utter loneliness. Till this very day at the age of 21, I am still haunted by the memories, unable to interact or trust anyone on the most basic levels,secluded in a “City of One” if you will, where I hide in my mind and no one can hurt me anymore. I shut down emotionally many years ago for the sake of my own sanity, becoming extremely passive and withdrawn. What many interpret as cowardice,is simply the lasting effects of having had too many angry hands and voices raised against me already. I am still always on edge wary of confrontation and sudden movements. To cope and soothe myself,when I could not turn to anyone for respite from my tumultuous lonely home life and did not feel anyone cared for me,I began rocking back and forth subconsciously as a young child and still have not outgrown the habit as a grown woman. For those who never had to experience not having any peace or security in one’s own home and who didn’t have to escape into one’s own mind for sanctuary rapidly learning how to settle themselves into bed at night,lonely and scared from being constantly berated and threatened. They do not know or understand how a former battered child’s mind works and can only ignorantly judge. No damage and harm do not end when the situation changes. You carry those hidden scars and wounded soul for the rest of your days.

  10. Thank you for writing this, it is truth and needs to be addressed. I am a mother and my daughter told me recently her father touched her hiney and hurt her, I am a mandated reporter and brought her to a local Children’s Advocacy Center where they examined and interviewed her. They contacted authorities and I was interviewed at length. My ex-husband who had an affair with a younger immoral girl at the office left after I discovered the affair despite my faith saying I was willing to preserve my family, something I never thought I would do, as I am a string woman of faith. But my children were barely 1 and 3 and I was a full time mom who really loved and trusted this man and was blindsided when I learned of the details surrounding the website of deceit and lies He and the mistress engaged in. After almost 2 years of custody and support battles, my getting arrested when pushed to my limits and delays by the legal system and severe concern for my children I was arrested twice for allegedly pushing him for domestic abuse battery, during exchanges of the children. I was shocked and appealed at the Catholic family I thought I married into’s acceptance of his betrayal and abandonment of his family and even more horrified at the legal laws in my state that could take my babies away from me possibly 50%of the time, when he began an affair when the yl baby was 2 months old, yet my children and I are punished and time together ripped apart. Praise God due to their ages he only visited with them a few times a week and had 2 overnights each week. I was at the foot of the cross, someone who had never been in trouble with the law, who believed in family values and pro life and protecting the innocent. We both would record exchanges of children to have footage to use against the other in civil court, he refused to discuss anything with me, wouldn’t tell me where he lived, since he lived with the girlfriend and they broke the court order of her sleeping there on night he had the children, etc. I had to hand over my children as the then 3 and 4 year old would cry she didn’t want to to see daddy and I’d have to chase her around the house and comfort her and force her out the door as he demanded it was his time. I knew something was off but legally I can’t interfere in custody arrangements and my motherly intuition in regards to his comments of, they are my children, they will he fine, you are cutting into my time, give them to me now comments made a mother’s stomach and heart hurt. I patiently waited the fight in court we were to have as a trial as I would have to own my mistakes in how I reacted to his lies and emotional abuse. Praise God I have a family financially able to support me and my children and pursue justice, and my heart breaks for mothers who are broke and lied to and their children are forced from their arms into the arms of someone who has shown them no respect of honesty, broke countless promises and brushes off adultery as if it is the new Cologne that everyone is wearing. My nightmare didn’t end there, really it had only begun. My daughter at 4 told me one night before changing into pj’s that her honey hurt because daddy touches it a lot. I had a calm conversation with her, shocked and kept asking in a doubting her voice, “you mean when he wipes you right” in which she was silent. I called my dear friends, civil attorney and pediatrian and was directed to the children’s hospital advocacy Center I mentioned earlier. He refused to come in to discuss with the detective so a warrant was made for his arrest. My family and I immediately began receiving the hatred from his family saying we are insane and just don’t want the girlfriend around the kids and these are all false accusations. They hired one of the top criminal attorneys in the state, yet he owes over 30k in child support obligations. He just propped to the other woman even while he awaits trial as the District Attorney picked up the case, Praise Jesus! He is calm and collected and has everyone, including his 30 something brother who recently became a Catholic priest that I coached my daughter to say this and I am crazy. I have stayed strong knowing I did what I needed to do and I last any decent person, especially mother and mandated reporter would do, took my daughter to seek medical attention when she said someone hurt her and I could see how hard it was to tell me and the fear on her face mumbling, “don’t tell daddy, it’s a secret” Inasked, daddy told you that and she replied “he said not to tell mommy what happened” I tried to mirror her comments as I learned in journalism and counseling classes. I said” and what did happen?” and she repeated ” he touched my hiney.” I was horrified, it is a mother’s worst nightmare right before health or death of children and what I had just experienced, broken family, children ripped away from me as babies for another woman and the man that promised to love me forever and raise our children together when we were married in 2010 Noel changed his mind and his loyalty and love is elsewhere. I feel we are living in times of several spiritual warfare and sin and Acceptance of anything that makes anyone happy in this world has opened doors to Satans deceit and lies in a whole new way. My faith is in the truth that Jesus has carried 3d me through this and I dance and laugh and hug and kiss my baby girls every day. Since his arrest I have temporary sole custody. The trial is next month and the criminal legal system is set up to protect the axcuser, certainly not the child victim. I am actually on trial here as the 1st reporter and they plan to paint me as the angry crazy arrested ex wife who wants him back and is trying to punish him by coaching my daughter to say these things happened to her. I am still in disbelief of the deep denial his entire family is in, he has them all.convinced how sweet he is l, even so much as the grandmother messaged me that she was praying for me that I would come forward and admit my lies and that I have done a grave injustice to their father and his mom and everyone in his hierarchy family. she then went on to say that I drove him into the arms of another woman and am now doing this out of frustration and anger. My jaw hits the floor as I know the truth and once called these people family and thought we shared the same values and faith, but now to next use their own the rules change. I am certainly being persecuted by the perpetrators family and despise he is slandering my name and my daughters by sharing his “I’m innocent truth” with them. I am thankful I am receiving the hatred instead of her being older and possibly understanding more. her innocence is so pure and one time she mentioned that it didn’t hurt her too bad, as if she should just tolerate it. I believe she is sensing perhaps due to her confession to me that is why she hasn’t had visits with daddy in a few months but I was told by professionals to say daddy is working out of town now. The defense can force her to testify and likely they will. I enrolled her in play therapy per the advocacy Center suggestion the last few months and we are beginning to prepare her for when she has to tell the judge her story. I pray she can be an example of courage to many children who have been sexually abused on any way. I am so grateful I remained calm when she disclosed to me and that the authorities have protected her thus far. I’m scared to death of the legal system and all its loops and holes, as I fear things will be twisted and her confession diminished due to the circumstances and volatile divorce. I can’t change the present, I can only lyrics stand strong in truth and continue being an involved and loving mother, keeping her childhood as normal and happy as she develops as possible. Prayers please for truth and justice to occur in June 2016. Amen!

  11. Thank you for writing this, it is truth and needs to be addressed. I am a mother and my daughter told me recently her father touched her hiney and hurt her, I am a mandated reporter and brought her to a local Children’s Advocacy Center where they examined and interviewed her. They contacted authorities and I was interviewed at length. My ex-husband who had an affair with a younger immoral girl at the office left after I discovered the affair despite my faith saying I was willing to preserve my family, something I never thought I would do, as I am a string woman of faith. But my children were barely 1 and 3 and I was a full time mom who really loved and trusted this man and was blindsided when I learned of the details surrounding the website of deceit and lies He and the mistress engaged in. After almost 2 years of custody and support battles, my getting arrested when pushed to my limits and delays by the legal system and severe concern for my children I was arrested twice for allegedly pushing him for domestic abuse battery, during exchanges of the children. I was shocked and appealed at the Catholic family I thought I married into’s acceptance of his betrayal and abandonment of his family and even more horrified at the legal laws in my state that could take my babies away from me possibly 50%of the time, when he began an affair when the yl baby was 2 months old, yet my children and I are punished and time together ripped apart. Praise God due to their ages he only visited with them a few times a week and had 2 overnights each week. I was at the foot of the cross, someone who had never been in trouble with the law, who believed in family values and pro life and protecting the innocent. We both would record exchanges of children to have footage to use against the other in civil court, he refused to discuss anything with me, wouldn’t tell me where he lived, since he lived with the girlfriend and they broke the court order of her sleeping there on night he had the children, etc. I had to hand over my children as the then 3 and 4 year old would cry she didn’t want to to see daddy and I’d have to chase her around the house and comfort her and force her out the door as he demanded it was his time. I knew something was off but legally I can’t interfere in custody arrangements and my motherly intuition in regards to his comments of, they are my children, they will he fine, you are cutting into my time, give them to me now comments made a mother’s stomach and heart hurt. I patiently waited the fight in court we were to have as a trial as I would have to own my mistakes in how I reacted to his lies and emotional abuse. Praise God I have a family financially able to support me and my children and pursue justice, and my heart breaks for mothers who are broke and lied to and their children are forced from their arms into the arms of someone who has shown them no respect of honesty, broke countless promises and brushes off adultery as if it is the new Cologne that everyone is wearing. My nightmare didn’t end there, really it had only begun. My daughter at 4 told me one night before changing into pj’s that her honey hurt because daddy touches it a lot. I had a calm conversation with her, shocked and kept asking in a doubting her voice, “you mean when he wipes you right” in which she was silent. I called my dear friends, civil attorney and pediatrian and was directed to the children’s hospital advocacy Center I mentioned earlier. He refused to come in to discuss with the detective so a warrant was made for his arrest. My family and I immediately began receiving the hatred from his family saying we are insane and just don’t want the girlfriend around the kids and these are all false accusations. They hired one of the top criminal attorneys in the state, yet he owes over 30k in child support obligations. He just propped to the other woman even while he awaits trial as the District Attorney picked up the case, Praise Jesus! He is calm and collected and has everyone, including his 30 something brother who recently became a Catholic priest that I coached my daughter to say this and I am crazy. I have stayed strong knowing I did what I needed to do and I last any decent person, especially mother and mandated reporter would do, took my daughter to seek medical attention when she said someone hurt her and I could see how hard it was to tell me and the fear on her face mumbling, “don’t tell daddy, it’s a secret” Inasked, daddy told you that and she replied “he said not to tell mommy what happened” I tried to mirror her comments as I learned in journalism and counseling classes. I said” and what did happen?” and she repeated ” he touched my hiney.” I was horrified, it is a mother’s worst nightmare right before health or death of children and what I had just experienced, broken family, children ripped away from me as babies for another woman and the man that promised to love me forever and raise our children together when we were married in 2010 Noel changed his mind and his loyalty and love is elsewhere. I feel we are living in times of several spiritual warfare and sin and Acceptance of anything that makes anyone happy in this world has opened doors to Satans deceit and lies in a whole new way. My faith is in the truth that Jesus has carried 3d me through this and I dance and laugh and hug and kiss my baby girls every day. Since his arrest I have temporary sole custody. The trial is next month and the criminal legal system is set up to protect the axcuser, certainly not the child victim. I am actually on trial here as the 1st reporter and they plan to paint me as the angry crazy arrested ex wife who wants him back and is trying to punish him by coaching my daughter to say these things happened to her. I am still in disbelief of the deep denial his entire family is in, he has them all.convinced how sweet he is l, even so much as the grandmother messaged me that she was praying for me that I would come forward and admit my lies and that I have done a grave injustice to their father and his mom and everyone in his hierarchy family. she then went on to say that I drove him into the arms of another woman and am now doing this out of frustration and anger. My jaw hits the floor as I know the truth and once called these people family and thought we shared the same values and faith, but now to next use their own the rules change. I am certainly being persecuted by the perpetrators family and despise he is slandering my name and my daughters by sharing his “I’m innocent truth” with them. I am thankful I am receiving the hatred instead of her being older and possibly understanding more. her innocence is so pure and one time she mentioned that it didn’t hurt her too bad, as if she should just tolerate it. I believe she is sensing perhaps due to her confession to me that is why she hasn’t had visits with daddy in a few months but I was told by professionals to say daddy is working out of town now. The defense can force her to testify and likely they will. I enrolled her in play therapy per the advocacy Center suggestion the last few months and we are beginning to prepare her for when she has to tell the judge her story. I pray she can be an example of courage to many children who have been sexually abused on any way. I am so grateful I remained calm when she disclosed to me and that the authorities have protected her thus far. I’m scared to death of the legal system and all its loops and holes, as I fear things will be twisted and her confession diminished due to the circumstances and volatile divorce. I can’t change the present, I can only lyrics stand strong in truth and continue being an involved and loving mother, keeping her childhood as normal and happy as she develops as possible. Prayers please for truth and justice to occur in June 2016. Amen! I will add I thought my ex husband, her father, the alleged perpetrator, was kind, simple, thoughtful and incapable of the affair and degree of deceit he engaged in and pain he caused me. I also would likely at one time swore on my life I never married a man that could sexually abuse his child. He is educated with a masters degree, handsome, comes from presumably “good” family as they attend church and put their children in religious private schools and the icing on the cake is his younger brother is priest whom in his testimony stated he always looked up to him and wanted to be just like him because of his kind heart. So the chances of anyone believing or accepting he did this to who is own daughter is slim to none and I’m the first to admit it. But I also can’t deny the facts…that my daughter is extremely intelligent and cognitively gifted as her verbal and articulation has been superb, testing in the 99.9% during a screener test at 3 years old. She is compassionate, creative, holy as she says her prayers, a kind big sister, loves her teachers and is well behaved and a good student and an overall beautiful and happy always smiling little angel. But that night she told me she was far from smiling. She was undressed and curled in a ball scared and not herself. While it’s close to impossible to believe he as he presents himself could do that, I KNOW that my daughter could not and would not lie and I Know TRUTH that I did not in any way coach or even educate her on this sort of thing happening as she was around very few people alone and besides the passing comment of ” your hiney is private you can’t let anyone touch it and you tell mommy if they do ” I hadn’t thought until in started leaving her with sitters more or she was in extra curricular activities as she got older and was exposed to more people I needed to make the fact that sexual abuse happens aware to her. Thankfully at this age I doubt she understands the sexual perversity of what she said her father did to her, at this point she understands she didn’t like it, said he didn’t stop when she asked him to, and that from my reaction and the professionals, that adults touching kids privates is not ok. I admit I was the ignorant one that did not realize the facts and statistics and never thought it would happen to my child. Time and a trial will tell the consequences he faces as well as the challenges for my daughter as she heals and grows. I pray the day doesn’t come when the legal system forces me to hand over my daughter, who told me what her daddy did to her, to this man because they believe his word and the system protects him instead of an innocent child. I’m glad I shared this anonymously and perhaps prayers sharing will helo someone else. I’m strong and ready to fight this battle for my daughter, she deserves to have me believe her!

  12. I actually found your blog researching child abuse stories. I appreciate the anger and passion you put into your articles instead of uptight politically correct dry facts, you lay it out for everyone to see and face that it’s real and it can and statistically probably will happen to someone around you.
    I WAS a victim of mental, physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. I am a mother now and cannot waste time being a victim, I have become a fierce protector. The only allowed form of discipline allowed on my property is super nannys naughty spot and have honestly told family (strictly believes in physical punishment) that the day they lay hands on any child of mine will be the day I lay hands on them. The only one to bathe or change my toddler is me. I openly admit to every person in her life that I am paranoid and half crazy about her well being, that I will be watching you and checking up on what you are doing. She’s almost 3 and I have set clear boundaries that she does not allow anyone but mommy to see or touch her vagina breasts or butt and that if she wants to touch those areas that there is nothing wrong with it except that it’s private and must be done in her bedroom or bathroom with the door closed. I do not allow cute names for her genitals or those of the opposite sex (she has an infant brother) there is no need to make them cute. I do not allow her to go to daycare or with anyone I do not trust and I literally check her over the second she comes home. I plan to stay extremely involved until I die because I believe that all the things I do that cause folks to raise eyebrows at me and shake their heads, make my child a smaller target. If I could hang a neon sign over my kids saying “you touch me, you die” I would in a heartbeat. I would rather every parent did the things I do and prevent child predators from hurting children in the first place rather than doing damage control after the fact.
    That being said you can’t control everything (believe me I try so hard to do just that). And if something horrific is inflicted on our innocents, justice should be served. I don’t think they should be let back out period because you can’t fix them and they don’t deserve it. If a person seeks help before raping or beating a child indeed do not judge and give them all the support you can because we cannot always control our thoughts but once you rip away a person’s innocence you have literally killed their inside child. There is no fixing that and you should die a lonely scared painful death according to what you inflicted on that child. You should match them bruise for bruise break for break tear for tear hunger for hunger neglect for neglect despair for despair.
    I feel that all cases of child abuse are preventable. In my case it was a cycle. My mother beat me because she was only disciplined in anger, she taught me that genitalia was disgusting and beat me if I wiped to long. After my older sister molested me and forced me to do the same to her after she had learned “the game” from another child in the family who learned it from someone else. My mom caught us and beat us severely while naked in front of her boyfriend with a belt and buckle. I was 3 at the time. The point was to shame us in such a way as to never do that again. I remember my sister refusing to take her panties off in front of my mother’s boyfriend because she didn’t want him to see her vagina and my mom tore her panties from her. Some of those blows landed on our genitals and to this day I think it was intentional. Family knew of this to some degree and have various excuses for not stepping in. When I got pregnant in high school I feared I would be my mom but I am the opposite. I adore my children, I truly believe they are beautiful and perfect little beings. I have never disciplined in anger. If I got angry I took a minute before I disciplined, because a child should never fear their parents. I realize that I do not discipline in order to punish but to help guide my child in controlling behavior my child has not mastered controlling yet. And my beautiful child will never go through the Hell I have been through if I can change it.

  13. This is a realization and reality people prefer to keep quite and that is the worse enemy.

    Children are noble, you are there sustenance and whole life, they will love unconditional as most abused children do not get access to outside world, this way the have no comparasion and thinks this is normal.

    The damage done too a child by using ANY kind of abuse it permanent, inscribed like a tatoe in there soul. This is to me one of the worse crimes inflicted on innocence and I have heard them say, they would have been better of dead.

    To these selfserving narsassistic humans, you should get life there is no measurement for how much damage you caused. And studies show they reafend always.

    No sympathy here for should collectors of naive children.

    Thank you for this telling article that need to visit many sites.

  14. I have a hole in my heart now from reading this article that hits too close to home for me. I say bravo to anyone who has the courage to stand up and make a difference. I ask God to bless your every undertaking.

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